But, I sit here on the couch and watch my baby move inside my stomach and then it hits me. I mean it's been hitting me a lot lately but not this hard. I realise that my husband and I are bringing this child into the world. You might think and yes... that's a good thing isn't it? Yes it is! I am so excited! But what upsets me is the fact that nor my husband or I either have a father. We both lost our fathers when we were young children. Isn't it a crazy thought to think that two complete strangers that have fallen completely in love have had something so horrible happen to them both. I know you're thinking - you aren't the only ones. No we aren't, but it kills me.
I am bringing this baby into this world and it will never know the love of a grandad/pop - it will never know the feeling of a grandad/pop cuddle, spending quality time with their grandad/pop.
Yes, my husband and I are both blessed to still have one grandad left which I have complete faith in that those two wonderful amazing men will give our baby the love that our grandads have given and shown us all our life but - it does not dim the fact that he/she will have their own grandad/pop.
My father passed away from pancreatic cancer when I was only 13 years old. I remember my 13th birthday party like it was yesterday. I had some of my girl friends from school come over and we played dress ups all night down stairs - I remember dad sitting up in his bed so weak watching up threw his bedroom window. To this day I still cry often - wishing he was here to guide me through this world. He never got the chance to walk any of his four girls down the isle, he never got the chance to be a Pop. He was robbed from so much.
My point is that I have to afraid of losing Ben, I am scared of what would happen, how I would cope, how my children would cope. And no I shouldn't think of it but how can you not.
Cassie xo
No comments:
Post a Comment