Birth and Baby

Hi Everyone,

Sorry it has been so long since I last wrote. I have been focusing on falling into my new role as a Mum. Hope you are all doing well..

So. On Monday October the 2nd I hadn't been feeling baby move for a few hours so I got really concerned and rung my midwife, I was told to go straight to the hospital. After the two hour drive that felt like a life time at 9'0clock that night we finally got to Roma hospital. When I got there I rung the buzzer for them to let me in and I was taken straight up to maternity ward. My belly and I were put straight onto a monitor so that they could see what was going on. They told me that the baby was fine, after half an hour of being on the monitor they noticed that I was having what looked like small contractions but I wasn't feeling any of it. I stayed in hospital that night and was put on the monitor again that morning and the doctor come and spoke to me and we spoke about options as I would be a week over on Wednesday, they spoke about starting an induction on Wednesday night. I had a few stretch and sweeps but nothing was happening, I hadn't dilated at all. So, on Wednesday night they started the induction, I woke up on Thursday morning and there was no change so at 6:30 they put me on the drip to get things going. I was an hour in and I was on the gas and in the shower, at 12 the pain was unbearable so I was given the epidural, there was still no change I was only 1cm dilated. at 7pm there was still nothing happening I was 2cm dilated and things just weren't happening. It was decided that I needed to have a C-section. My husband was able to come in with me and Mum was able to sit outside the surgery room and wait for the baby to come. The cord was wrapped around his little neck and he just couldn't come down. He finally made his arrival healthy and handsome at 8:17pm on the 5th of October weighing 7.14pounds.

Meet William (Billy) Reginald Robinson!!

I was able to come home the following Monday from the hospital. Due to having the C-section I wasn't able to do anything for 6 weeks (including the cleaning and washing) so Mum stayed out for a few days, when she left two of my husbands sisters came out for the weekend and then Mum came out again for a few days and I decided to go back home with Mum so that everyone could meet Billy.

I am enjoying this new chapter in my life so much, I love every aspect of parenting, there are hard days but way more good then bad! Billy is such a good little boy! He is a great feeder and sleeper, I have nothing to complain about that's for sure!


Cassie xo

Stop letting everyone else define you!

I have found that so many people are so judgemental when it comes to pregnancy and the way that you do things. I have found that people have so many opinions and that they think that there opinion is the only one that's right. Whether it be from how much weight you put on, what you eat, how much you exercise or sleep. I have also learnt not to give a shit about everyone else's opinion and to just focus on myself and what the best things are for me.

I have realised that not only is everyone different but so is every single pregnancy. There is so many things that make all of our pregnancy different. With my first pregnancy I was swamped with migraines, every day! They were absolutely awful, I would be in so much pain and the lack of drugs that you can take I was never able to get on top of the pain and I have near to no morning sickness. However, with this pregnancy it has been completely different! I have had morning sickness the whole way through and my whole body has ached and have had barely any migraines, I did have a couple at the beginning but nothing compared to pregnancy number 1.

I think its so ridiculous that at the most exciting time in your life people can find nothing better to do then judge your every move. Saying all of this I want any pregnant women reading this to remember this; Your body is the most amazing thing, your beautiful perfect body is creating a human, you are creating a human. Your body I changing, your boobs are getting bigger, your belly is growing, so of us are creating stretch marks which is just a reminder to you every time you look in the mirror that YOUR amazing body created another beautiful body!

I was afraid to take photos of my belly without clothes on until I realised that I was never afraid of my body and I never cared about what people thought of my body so why should I start now when my body was finally allowing me to keep something I was robbed of twice before. So I decided that instead of hiding it I would show it off. I then noticed that one day stretch marks were appearing on my stomach and hips, I looked at myself in the mirror in horror until my husband reminded me that they weren't ugly that they were special, they were a reminder. So, I took even more photos and really started loving my belly and EVERYTHING about it! I was dam proud and I still am!

Do not define yourself by the body that you live in. Do not let any comment or nasty remark define you. Always be happy within yourself because once you stop then you start to hate yourself and everyone else around you.

Be happy with yourself and in yourself!

Cassie xo

Baby update

Hey all, 

It's been a LONG couple of days since I wrote my last post. I will be 39 weeks on Wednesday and I just don't know how I am feeling. I don't know if it's because I'm extremely hormonal and emotional but I am so so nervous about it all. I am so worried something will go wrong when it all finally happens. I know it's probably 'normal' to worry but I just feel like in this point in time I shouldn't be so worried I should be calmed and trying to relax. 

Although from the begging I have always felt this pregnancy was different from the rest I still find myself just as nervous and scared. I think when you lose a baby the thought will always be there in your mind. I often find myself crying when I'm folding the babies clothes and I have no idea why. I feel ridiculous. 

Is it possible to be so excited yet so scared all at the same time?

I am lucky and blessed to have Ben that keeps me afloat and is forever reminding me and assuring me that it's all going to be fine. It is easy for us women to think of ourselves when we are going threw pregnancy and it's so easy for us to forget that life isn't just changing for us. I have to remind myself all the time that it's going to change my husbands life just as much as mine. 

I can't wait to be finally writing another blog where I am able to share the news that my little one has arrived but until then I'll continue to carry you with me on his journey. 

 

We have finally finished painting the babies room so now it's time for me to go and set it all up!

Cassie xo

Maternity shoot - baby update

Hi everyone,

Its been a massive couple of days. Ben and I got back from our beautiful holiday on Sunday and had visitors on Monday and then some more on Tuesday and not to mention the roof is getting replaced as well as us trying to race against time to finish the baby room off! Why do women always start renovations when we are pregnant - WE ARE CRAZY!!

I got my maternity photos back the other day that was done by Lynette from Glenrock Gallery and I honestly could NOT be happier with her amazing work! They have turned out amazing! I always imagined that I would get maternity photos done and after losing the two babies that we lost I thought it was only the best thing to get professional photos done in case this is the only time that we are blessed with a little babe. Being our rainbow baby I asked Lynette if we could incorporate some rainbow in the photos and she did perfect at making that happen!

So, baby update; We are now 38 and 2 days. I am getting very uncomfortable and finding it hard to sleep at night - but hey - it is all worth it in the end (Please remind me I said that when I'm complaining about the lack of sleep I'm getting when baby comes). I cannot wait any longer for this baby to come, I am getting so excited to be a Mum and finally know whether it's a boy or girl and see its beautiful face!

I hope you enjoy these photos as much as I do!

Cassie x

Babymoon

Ben and I have just come home from enjoying four nights away in Caloundra staying in Rumba. We had such an amazing time away, it was so relaxing and nice to not have to be anywhere or doing anything. We enjoyed a whole heap of different food (it's a nice change from the usual steak and salad from the local pub).

 

It was nice to spend some alone time together without having anyone interrupting us and Ben getting distracted by all his work he does. But of course we had to go to a saddlery while we were away which is a usual for anywhere we go haha.

 

 

We went to a strawberry farm near Aussie World Called 'Strawberry fields YUMMM'. Ive always wanted to go pick fresh strawberries so Ben decided to take me!

We are all relaxed now and ready for the next big adventure of being first time parents. We have got the final things we needed when we were at the coast so we are all sorted for baby stuff. My belly seems to be growing even more even though I thought it couldn't grow anymore haha. Baby is moving like crazy and having a great time in my stomach. I was really worried about driving all that way to the coast but it didn't turn out being that bad. The only time I got really uncomfortable was the last hour or travelling on our way home - the road it just terrible out here.

Have a good day!!

Cassie xo

Getting ready for Bub

Ben and I have been busy trying to get everything ready for our gorgeous little baby to make an arrival.
We had the babies room all done but then we decided we would paint the room. We cleared everything out of the room and started gap filling and now painting had begun. We have painted one wall so far - it's a slow process when no one has motivation haha.

Since starting to paint the room I now want to paint the rest of the house - but - the house we live in is just way to big for two people to paint so I don't see it happening haha.



Back to the baby prep - we went to install the babies car seat to realise that the car we have (hilux) has no seat anchors in it so we need to get them installed first!! You're probably thinking that we are doing this a bit early but I am nearly 37 weeks and we are going away on Tuesday for our 'Babymoon' so we need to have everything organised incase I go into early labour!

We live two hours away from the closest hospital so we have to be very prepared haha.

I ordered a pram on the internet so I'm hoping it comes by tomorrow! I'm starting to feel a little organised now which is nice. I am so excited for this little one to come.

They tell you to get prepared but I really don't think there is enough preparing or reading that you could do to 'prepare' you for being the best parent there is!

Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there!

Cassie xo

Life without Dad

It's a cruel world we live in. People come and go some without a goodbye. They say things happen for a reason and I'm a big believer in that.
But, I sit here on the couch and watch my baby move inside my stomach and then it hits me. I mean it's been hitting me a lot lately but not this hard. I realise that my husband and I are bringing this child into the world. You might think and yes... that's a good thing isn't it? Yes it is! I am so excited! But what upsets me is the fact that nor my husband or I either have a father. We both lost our fathers when we were young children. Isn't it a crazy thought to think that two complete strangers that have fallen completely in love have had something so horrible happen to them both. I know you're thinking - you aren't the only ones. No we aren't, but it kills me.

I am bringing this baby into this world and it will never know the love of a grandad/pop - it will never know the feeling of a grandad/pop cuddle, spending quality time with their grandad/pop.

Yes, my husband and I are both blessed to still have one grandad left which I have complete faith in that those two wonderful amazing men will give our baby the love that our grandads have given and shown us all our life but - it does not dim the fact that he/she will have their own grandad/pop.

My father passed away from pancreatic cancer when I was only 13 years old. I remember my 13th birthday party like it was yesterday. I had some of my girl friends from school come over and we played dress ups all night down stairs - I remember dad sitting up in his bed so weak watching up threw his bedroom window. To this day I still cry often - wishing he was here to guide me through this world. He never got the chance to walk any of his four girls down the isle, he never got the chance to be a Pop. He was robbed from so much.

My point is that I have to afraid of losing Ben, I am scared of what would happen, how I would cope, how my children would cope. And no I shouldn't think of it but how can you not. 
Cassie xo

Rainbow baby

A rainbow baby is a baby that comes after you have lost one or more babies previously whether it be a miscarriage or a stillborn. They say ''after every storm comes a rainbow'' and it is exactly that after you have lost a baby.

So here is my raw heart wrenching story.

At the young age of 17 (not long of turning 18) I met the man that I knew I would spend that rest of my life with but never did I think that we would go through so many curve balls in such a short time. Ben and I feel pregnant when I was 19 (again not long of being 20) we decided that we would get married before the baby came so that we could enjoy one last thing child free and of course to make other people happy. We got engaged on the 16th of December and were getting the ball rolling very fast as we were getting married on the 13th February. But, instead of being excited while planning our beautiful wedding that was going to be the best time and day of our life we were bashed with the news that the little baby i was carrying in my stomach was not growing to the full potential, not only was it not growing correctly it also had an extra chromozone. I was in and out of doctors appointments and was preparing myself for a very scary appointment in Brisbane. Now, i knew this appointment was going to be hard and that there wasn't going to be any good that come from it so i had spent days preparing myself. I had a massive needle jabbed into my stomach so that they could collect some of my fluid to test.

Sorry for any mistakes in this as my eyes are pretty cloudy and im trying to wipe the tear away while i relive every moment.

We went home and that night i received a phone call from the doctor that i had just seen in Brisbane and it wasn't good news, i could tell in his voice when he said who it was that it wasn't good, and i knew that results coming in that fast that it wasn't good. ''I am sorry Cassie but your baby is not going to last full term and even if you were to go full term that baby would not survive'' I dropped into a ball and cried.

It was 11:50pm Thursday the 11th of February and i woke up feeling like i needed to go to the toilet. I ran to the toilet as i sat on the toilet i felt something that wasn't normal, i looked down to see the toilet full of blood and at that point I just knew. I tried yelling to my Mum, i ended up having to face time her to wake her up and she come running, she woke Ben up and he rushed me to hospital. When i got to the hospital they rushed me into emergency attached so many things to me that i cant even remember all i remember is that the patched took of my fake tan that i had just gotten for my wedding on Saturday. the time was so slow, it was so painful. Monitors going crazy, ultra sounds, fluids, BP machines. They sent me up to the ward where i was going to stay the night, by this time my baby was gone. They sent Ben home and i whaled the whole night, i was having contractions they put me on morphine and it didn't even take the edge of, i was in and out of the hot shower and i spent the night staring at the old lady sleeping across from me.

The next day i went in for surgery where they would remove any excess of my baby.

I walked out of the hospital empty, i left with nothing but a hole in my heart and tears flowing down my face.

We got married on the Saturday pretending like everything was fine. A week on a honeymoon spent mourning the loss of our unborn baby.

That August I got the news I was pregnant, things didn't seem right from day dot. Vaginal loss, pains, nothing seemed right. 7 weeks later and i was back in hospital and going to walk out with nothing but a whole heap of salty tears.

I felt like a failure, I felt that my body failed not just me but my husband as well. At this point i thought that i would not be able to give my husband the baby that he wanted.

But here I am 30/8/2017 36 weeks pregnant. A massive belly and nothing but good results at every scan and every appoitment. Our rainbow baby is nearly here. Finally God has decided that its the right time and i am ready to give my husband that baby he wants. We do not know the sex, we dont have a name but what we do know is that we are so blessed to be able to be parents in four weeks time.

Cassie xo

A little about me..

Hi, My name is Cassie Robinson. I am a 21 year old, I live in a small country town that has a population of 86. My husband (Ben) and I moved here in March 2016 straight after our wedding. We live on a property out here in a massive old Queenslander that has so much history behind it.

 I work as an assistant nurse in a small hospital 65km away from where we are. However, in the last two weeks I have stopped working as I am having a baby in late September. My husband and I are going to be parents for the first time so with not working and with this massive change in my life I have decided to start writing a blog - I find so much peace in writing. 

I am hoping that I can share everything with you including the raw bits!

Cassie xo