So here is my raw heart wrenching story.
At the young age of 17 (not long of turning 18) I met the man that I knew I would spend that rest of my life with but never did I think that we would go through so many curve balls in such a short time. Ben and I feel pregnant when I was 19 (again not long of being 20) we decided that we would get married before the baby came so that we could enjoy one last thing child free and of course to make other people happy. We got engaged on the 16th of December and were getting the ball rolling very fast as we were getting married on the 13th February. But, instead of being excited while planning our beautiful wedding that was going to be the best time and day of our life we were bashed with the news that the little baby i was carrying in my stomach was not growing to the full potential, not only was it not growing correctly it also had an extra chromozone. I was in and out of doctors appointments and was preparing myself for a very scary appointment in Brisbane. Now, i knew this appointment was going to be hard and that there wasn't going to be any good that come from it so i had spent days preparing myself. I had a massive needle jabbed into my stomach so that they could collect some of my fluid to test.
Sorry for any mistakes in this as my eyes are pretty cloudy and im trying to wipe the tear away while i relive every moment.
We went home and that night i received a phone call from the doctor that i had just seen in Brisbane and it wasn't good news, i could tell in his voice when he said who it was that it wasn't good, and i knew that results coming in that fast that it wasn't good. ''I am sorry Cassie but your baby is not going to last full term and even if you were to go full term that baby would not survive'' I dropped into a ball and cried.
It was 11:50pm Thursday the 11th of February and i woke up feeling like i needed to go to the toilet. I ran to the toilet as i sat on the toilet i felt something that wasn't normal, i looked down to see the toilet full of blood and at that point I just knew. I tried yelling to my Mum, i ended up having to face time her to wake her up and she come running, she woke Ben up and he rushed me to hospital. When i got to the hospital they rushed me into emergency attached so many things to me that i cant even remember all i remember is that the patched took of my fake tan that i had just gotten for my wedding on Saturday. the time was so slow, it was so painful. Monitors going crazy, ultra sounds, fluids, BP machines. They sent me up to the ward where i was going to stay the night, by this time my baby was gone. They sent Ben home and i whaled the whole night, i was having contractions they put me on morphine and it didn't even take the edge of, i was in and out of the hot shower and i spent the night staring at the old lady sleeping across from me.
The next day i went in for surgery where they would remove any excess of my baby.
I walked out of the hospital empty, i left with nothing but a hole in my heart and tears flowing down my face.
We got married on the Saturday pretending like everything was fine. A week on a honeymoon spent mourning the loss of our unborn baby.
That August I got the news I was pregnant, things didn't seem right from day dot. Vaginal loss, pains, nothing seemed right. 7 weeks later and i was back in hospital and going to walk out with nothing but a whole heap of salty tears.
I felt like a failure, I felt that my body failed not just me but my husband as well. At this point i thought that i would not be able to give my husband the baby that he wanted.
But here I am 30/8/2017 36 weeks pregnant. A massive belly and nothing but good results at every scan and every appoitment. Our rainbow baby is nearly here. Finally God has decided that its the right time and i am ready to give my husband that baby he wants. We do not know the sex, we dont have a name but what we do know is that we are so blessed to be able to be parents in four weeks time.
Cassie xo
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